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<title>Wot U Look Like When U Slander: a Between the Lines fic by The_Honeyed_Hufflepuff</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27747964">Wot U Look Like When U Slander: a Between the Lines fic</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Honeyed_Hufflepuff/pseuds/The_Honeyed_Hufflepuff'>The_Honeyed_Hufflepuff</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Between the Lines [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown 2020 (Simon Snow), Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, May The Fourth Be With You, Oh my god they were quarantined, Texting, banana pants, baz is tired of dev’s shit, btl quarantine, dev’s just getting started probably, last time we saw dev &amp; baz arguing through a bathroom door, not in the actual fic but there are references so i slapped that m rating on there, random references to board games bananas &amp; star wars, today we see dev &amp; baz arguing through cell towers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:20:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,552</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27747964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Honeyed_Hufflepuff/pseuds/The_Honeyed_Hufflepuff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dev is bored. Baz is annoyed. Niall is tired.</p>
<p>or, the BTL crew in quarantine, take 2</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dev &amp; Niall &amp; Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Dev &amp; Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Dev/Niall (Simon Snow), Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Between the Lines [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1464463</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Carry On Countdown 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wot U Look Like When U Slander: a Between the Lines fic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>written for the carry on countdown day 3: retellings</p>
<p>this is almost nothing like what i originally imagined but i think it’ll at least make y’all laugh if nothing else</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Monday, 4 May, 2020</b>
  </span>
</p>
<p><b>B (12:07 pm): </b>I realise that your daily holiday from this hellscape is your only respite from the madness.</p>
<p><b>B (12:07 pm): </b>And that your lunch hour is your only respite from whatever madness you encounter at work.</p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:07 pm): </b>What’s he done now</p>
<p><b>B (12:08 pm): </b>Your bloody fiancé—Christ, I need a moment. </p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:08 pm): </b>Trust me, it’s shocking to me as well</p>
<p><b>B (12:08 pm) : </b>The man who, for reasons beyond me, you’ve decided to tether yourself to for life, has been pillocking about all morning practicing some sort of godawful speech.</p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:09 pm): </b>Is it something for a play</p>
<p><b>B (12:09 pm): </b>The theatre is closed. The world is closed. Why would there be any reasonable explanation for this? </p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:09 pm):</b>I’ve found that D usually has his reasons for things, however obscure</p>
<p><b>B (12:10 pm): </b>Well. He’s loud. I can’t hear myself think, which is a feat in itself. All I ever hear is myself thinking. It’s what I’m used to. He’s drowned it out.</p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:10 pm): </b>Could be a good thing yes? </p>
<p><b>B (12:10 pm): </b>He keeps recounting how Simon and I met. In irritating, incorrect detail. With too much credit to himself. Loudly. </p>
<p><b>B (12:11 pm): </b>The only reason I’ve not killed him is because I know you love him. </p>
<p><b>B (12:11 pm): </b>For some unfathomable reason.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:11 pm) : </b>it’s my arse</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:11 pm): </b>also you fuckers realise this is the group chat right</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:11 pm):</b> ALL THIS SLANDER</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:11 pm): </b>right in front of my salad 😔</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:12 pm): </b>or niall’s maybe</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:12 pm): </b>whats for lunch darling</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:12 pm): </b>Don’t change the subject.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:12 pm): </b>it was a good speech!</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:12 pm): </b>It was a wedding speech. </p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:12 pm): </b>so?</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:13 pm): </b>We aren’t even the ones getting married. No one is getting married any time soon.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:13 pm): </b>i’m preparing for the FUTURE</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:13 pm): </b>obvs</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:13 pm): </b>wot else am i supposed to do with all my free time</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:14 pm): </b>Something that doesn’t annoy me.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:14 pm): </b>that severely limits my options</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:14 pm): </b>anyway idk wots up ur arse but that was a good speech. so</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:14 pm): </b>Oh, yes. I especially enjoyed the bit where you took full credit for my autonomy. </p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:15 pm): </b>idk wot your referring to</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:15 pm): </b>*i* gave salisbury your phone #</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:15 pm): </b>day right before wank, interrupted if memory serves</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:15 pm): </b>&amp; how could i forget</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:15 pm): </b>You did give Simon my number. Needlessly. With no regard for the consequences. After I’d already weighed them myself and consented.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:15 pm): </b>but look at u 2 now!! YOUR IN L O V E</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:15 pm): </b>y u cross??? like. i gave him your #. u gave him your #. same result m8</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:16 pm): </b>He could’ve been a murderer for all you knew.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:16 pm): </b>ooh yeah. a murderer. it was salisbury, in the cafe, with the horn rims</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:16 pm): </b>👻👻👻</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:16pm): </b>...can we play clue</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:16 pm): </b>You’re changing the subject.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:17 pm): </b>i still dont get it. which bit is offensive 2 u? </p>
<p><b>Baz (12:17 pm): </b>Every single word that drips from your lips, regardless of topic. </p>
<p><b>Baz (12:17 pm): </b>The sound of your voice echoing off of my kitchen walls.</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:17 pm): </b>Your feet on my kitchen counter.</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:17 pm): </b>The incessant beeping like you’re R2D2.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:18 pm): </b>ok this sounds like maybe it’s just me wots offensive </p>
<p><b>Baz (12:18 pm): </b>Yes. Correct.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:18 pm): </b>also the counter bit was for effect </p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:18pm): </b>i needed a dais </p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:18 pm): </b>also somewhere you wouldnt follow me</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:19 pm): </b>did i mention he was chasing me round the flat, darling? </p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:19 pm): </b>salisbury was sat on the sofa laughing his arse off</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:19 pm): </b>Yes, not only do I have to deal with the likes of you, but now I have to reconsider my choice of a partner as well. </p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:20 pm): </b>i’m telling u baz you should take up acting. you’ve got the grimm flair</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:20 pm): </b>Ah, I wouldn’t want to steal your limelight now, would I?</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:20 pm): </b>your such a tosser</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:20 pm): </b>hows work darling</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:20 pm): </b>I don’t think he’s here.</p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:21 pm): </b>Oh I’m here. Just eating and watching this shitshow unfold</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:21 pm): </b>wanna know what I'm wearing 😏😏😏</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:21 pm): </b>The fool’s sprinting about the flat in pants and a Star Wars jumper. Where the socks have gone, I’ve no idea. Bare fucking feet on my countertop. Who knows where they’ve been. </p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:22 pm): </b>of course i’m wearing the star wars jumper it’s STAR WARS DAY MOTHERFUCKER wot else am i supposed to wear</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:22 pm): </b>Trousers?</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:22 pm): </b>&amp; deny the world the glory that is my arse? unlikely</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:23 pm): </b>The world. You mean Simon and I.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:23 pm): </b>&amp; you know idk whoever’s looking in the window? some bored fuck</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:23 pm): </b>but that’s not wots important</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:23 pm): </b>wots printed on the pants baz 😏</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:24 pm): </b>also i’ve not given any footjobs lately so calm tf down with the feet on the counter thing it’s fine</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:24 pm): </b>I despise you.</p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:24 pm): </b>He's wearing his banana pants isn't he </p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:24 pm): </b>MY BONANA PANTS</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:25 pm): </b>lol remember the time i had that dream &amp; also a sexual awakening</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:25 pm): </b>e n l i g h t e n m e n t</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:25 pm): </b>&amp; then I kissed you 😍 in a pub 😍</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:25 pm): </b>&amp; then discovered your power konk</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:25 pm): </b>Please. Spare me.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:25 pm): </b>&amp; then a bunch of other shit happened</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:26 pm): </b>&amp; then you 😍 asked me to marry you 😍</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:26 pm): </b>...&amp; then the apocalypse happened</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:26 pm): </b>what a time to be alive</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:26 pm): </b>You see, Niall? </p>
<p><b>Baz (12:26 pm): </b>Your poor life choices are harbingers. </p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:26 pm): </b>okay. listen.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:27 pm): </b>slandering me is acceptable.</p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:27 pm): </b>Par for the course, really</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:27 pm): </b>It isn’t slander if it’s true.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:27 pm): </b>slandering my darling in front of me? disgusting</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:27 pm): </b>also</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:27 pm): </b>&lt; photo &gt;</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:27 pm): </b>that’s wot u look like when u slander</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:28 pm): </b>not a good lewk for u</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:28 pm): </b>Stop taking illicit photos of me.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:28 pm): </b>??? stop looking ??? like a big old DICK </p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:28 pm): </b>***not the good kind of dick</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:28 pm): </b>Fuck’s sake.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:28 pm): </b>go to the other room where your out of camera range if u want to slander</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:29 pm): </b>GO TO YOUR ROOM BASIL</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:29 pm): </b>leave the grown up engaged lads to chat 😘</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:29 pm): </b>HAHHAHA darling he just fckn stomped off &amp; slammed his bedroom door i am LIVING</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:30 pm): </b>anyway wanna sext tho</p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:30 pm): </b>They frown on that sort of thing at Barclays</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:30 pm): </b>If you’d like to risk your job please do so out of the group chat.</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:30 pm): </b>Though I can’t see the appeal.</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:30 pm): </b>yeah bc u have BAD TASTE</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:31 pm): </b>that’s your name now</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:31 pm): </b>BAD TASTE BASIL</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:31 pm): </b>BAD TASTE BAZ</p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:31 pm): </b>idk which i like better. u?</p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:31 pm): </b>Here’s how I see it</p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:31 pm): </b>You want him out of your hair, right B?</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:32 pm): </b>Correct. I’m behind a closed door and can still sense his overbearing, ridiculous presence.</p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:32 pm): </b>Alright</p>
<p><b>Voice of Reason (12:32 pm): </b>D. Go to our room. </p>
<p><b>Imbecilic Relation (12:32 pm): </b>YESSSSSS</p>
<p><b>Baz (12:33 pm): </b>Wake me when the pandemic ends.</p>
<p> </p>
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  <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/185045378@N05/50654572952/in/dateposted-public/">
    
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope y’all enjoyed this one! (The art, too; I couldn’t not draw that when I started picturing Dev running around in banana undies lol.) A little nonsense to liven up y’all’s Friday 💜</p>
<p>If you enjoyed this &amp; haven't read the main fic yet, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/18685069/chapters/44312203">check it out here.</a> It's my sweet sweet baby. </p>
<p>ALSO! I made a fandom <a href="https://www.instagram.com/thehoneyedhufflepuff/">Instagram!</a> Come visit me if you want! </p>
<p>I'm also still on <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thehoneyedhufflepuff">Tumblr</a> because I like to suffer</p></blockquote></div></div>
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